You might be a (@PETA friendly) redneck.....

* You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.

* You have ever spit tobacco juice on an vivisector.

* You go mud-boggin' and set the dawg in the cab of the truck and make the people sit in back.

* Your dawgs PREFER to lie under the porch.

* Your nicest towels say, "Property of Motel 6".

* The photo on your driver's license includes your dawg.

* You've ever used a BB gun to protect your chickens from a predator.

* You've had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

* You ever used a weed eater indoors.

* You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

* You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

* Your idea of a 7 course meal is a can of beans and a six pack.

* You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

* Jack Daniels ties with @IngridNewkirk on your list of "most admired people".

* You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

* The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."

* You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is!

* Your dawg is worth more to you than the truck you drive her around in.

* Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

* You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.

* You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.

* You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

* You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

* You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

* Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

* You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

* The people on the Jerry Springer show remind you of your neighbors.

* You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

* You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

* You can get dawg hair from out of your belly button.

* You can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there is a law aggin' it.

* You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

* You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

* You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.

* You believe Moon Pies are a major food group.

* You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

* The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

* You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.


Tags: Dorothy Kernaghan-Baez, AFRA, family rights, twitter, cyber-dissident, tarot cards, psychic, DFACS, Georgia, politics, redneck, peta, Ingrid Newkirk, pick up truck, white trash, junk car, humor

Sightseeing In Augusta, Georgia.....or how to spend a "golf-free" day during Masters' Week

It's Spring. The Japanese Magnolias and the Dogwoods are in full bloom. School is out for the week. There's only one problem: It's Masters' Week - the week where golf aficionados and zany fans alike descend on Augusta from all over the world. Washington Road is virtually impassable, sane people have decamped for the duration, and crazy people have all the local golf courses booked solid. So how should those who have stayed in town and those who aren't crazy for golf entertain themselves? And, God help us all, entertain the children?

Here's the family tested, mother approved, relatively inexpensive list:

*Artists' Row: Broad Street (mainly 700-1200 blocks) An eclectic collection of local art galleries, special boutiques and unique cafes.

*Augusta Cotton Exchange: 32 Eight Street Constructed in 1886 to house the business activities of cotton farmers, brokers, and buyers, the Cotton Exchange was once the second largest cotton market in the world. The bank lobby displays cotton-era artifacts such as the trading board that listed cotton prices, as well as an 1880s-era walnut bank teller line and period furnishings.

*Augusta Common: 836 Reynolds Street A park space that links Broad Street to Riverwalk.

*Riverwalk: 836 Reynolds Street Riverwalk has so much to offer, but most important to families is the playground right on the water. "Nuff said.

*Augusta History Museum: 560 Reynolds Street Don't miss Augusta's Story - a 12,000-year journey through local history. Interactive - great for kids.

If you're coming to Augusta, I hope you find time to visit these attractions....


Tags: Dorothy Kernaghan-Baez, Georgia